Another Cold Day

My goodness when will we get some warm weather? I cannot be coping with this cold! I’m fair too delicate!

Yesterday was a bad day for me. There is someone at work who makes me feel inferior and not very good at my job, and although I don’t think she means too, she upsets me. Well she was on the ball yesterday. However, I think I was over-sensitive because I had had my first panic attack in weeks and done a lot of crying. I was in a fair old bad mood by the time the evening came. And poor old Chris bore the brunt of it – sorry Chrisy. Yet, we did go out to small group where we had a meal and fellowship and well, God is good, He puts friends around us and places us in happy situations and digs us out of the holes we have fallen in. It was a lovely night.

Today has been much better – although I fell asleep again during the day. This is not good. I’m just tired all the time. But today has been my day off and I’ve spent it doing a few jobs for Mum and reading and learning about God. Good way to spend a day I think I feel so peaceful today – thank you Jesus. Here is praying that I will feel this good tomorrow when I’m working!

Date-night tonight! Dunno what we are doing, but I’m looking forward to spending time with Chris I’m so lucky to be with him, I love him a lot. I can’t wait to hang out with him.

Sad news – Katie is going to Leeds She will be even further away, I already miss her and she only lives the other end of the county. What am I going to do with you so far away? I’m so pleased you got the training job though! I hope you have an awesome time. I love you girl, you are one of my best friends. Thanks for everything you do for me *hugs* Can’t wait to see you Saturday

Counselling

I had counselling first thing this morning. As opposed to last week, I left smiling We spent the first half hour just chatting and my sleeping patterns, marrying Chris, houses, that sort of thing, then we got down to the nitty-gritty bit. We looked briefly at my panic attack diary and discussed the kind of attacks I have. This week the focus is on my posture, I have a “panic posture”, wherein I sit slumped with my head in my shoulders and we talked about how that would affect my breathing and she said I have chronic hyperventilation because my body is so used to panicky I am always taking small breaths. The aim for this week then is to practise breathing from my stomach and sitting up straight with my shoulders down and head up and straight ahead. Although it is hurting my back it does make me feel more confident and present sitting like that. We discussed how there is no problem with me being there and present because I am wonderful, and actually people do like me and if you don’t, well then never mind, that is your problem and not mine. Sitting up like this also means it is hard to take shallow breaths so I have to breathe deeply.

After counselling I went down George Street and did a wee bit of shopping. I needed to get my sister-in-law a birthday present so I bought her a grey scarf with tassles and thin silver streaks, it is really nice and so her! I did slip up though and bought myself a book. I got the new Jodi Picoult, Second Glance. I’m so weak! It was half price and I just could not resist. It almost jumped into my hand!

I love books. It seems that a lot are coming my way at the moment I have 2 bookring books expected this week and a review book, plus the one I bought today, the one I ordered for Rob that I’m going to read first and the book my parents (via Chris) got me. Means my To Be Read list is back up to about 51! I must put that list on here actually…

In fact, all I have done since getting to Chris’ earlier has been reading So much fun. Am reading Ten by J. John at the minute, a look at how to live the 10 Commandments in the 21st century. It is a good book, I’m proper enjoying it.

I do feel ill and panicky though. We have small group tonight but I don’t want to go. I just wana curl up with Chris, a cup of tea and a book. I’m so cold, my head hurts, my back and stomach hurt and I’m so sleepy. I’m not sleeping well again, and I had a panic attack earlier I know things will get better, but it is so hard. Keeping a positive attitude is difficult at the moment. I don’t want to smile, I want to sleep! But things will improve. I am making advances, big ones too. I managed work, I managed the train – I need to hold on to them thoughts and my attitude will remain upbeat.