Bored & Fed Up

Haha story of my life at the moment. Just sitting around…waiting…
I still dunno what I will be doing for the rest of the year. Now my contact time at university has finished I need a full time job. Of course that is easier said than done considering I haven’t ventured back to work yet. I know I’m on holiday now instead of off sick, but I dunno if I’m ready for work. The idea scares me….And I’m waiting for other stuff too (I am trying to be patient…!), it is just hard.
I’ve been feeling so depressed recently too. Maybe it is because I’m a touch bored, but I just feel low, unhappy…just pants generally. I could happily sleep my time away – hiding in bed, sounds wonderful.
Although not sure I would sleep, I don’t appear to at night. I woke up every two hours last night, each time following a nightmare. This sucks. I’m amazed I haven’t slept this afternoon. I can’t believe I’ve gone back to being an insomniac. At some point soon I will just crash.
Urgh I just feel so crap. I could cry….

Thursday

I cannot believe it is Thursday already!

Yesterday was a bad day. I cried so much, then hid in my bed in the afternoon. I just felt so down, it was horrible. Hopefully today will be better. However, it has not started well. I did not sleep well. Every hour I woke up and then at 4am I was woken with the worst period pains ever, they hurt so much that even pain killers didn’t help. I couldn’t get back to sleep so I read and played on the internet. I have set up a site for my poetry, hopefully people will like it. It is just another way of expressing myself. However, I now feel so tired, and still unwell. I need to try and focus on getting some work done today though.

Good news, Liz may have some work for me! Yay! I emailed her yesterday just to see if there was anything she could do for me and she has said to give her a ring later, so I’m now going to pray that she can help me.

Meh

Well, I didn’t manage anything today. I didn’t meet Ann or Pippa. I guess I will see Chris, but no one else. I feel awful. I’m letting people down, I’m letting myself down. I had to nap, but don’t feel any better for it. The smallest thing is annoying me. I hate feeling like this. When will I get better? Dad wants me to cling on to the fact the doctor has said I will make a full recovery. That is easier said than done when I struggle to see anyone, I feel tired, ill and grumpy. I don’t mean to keep complaining. Here are some positive things from today:

-The sun is shining

-Rob didn’t put the telly on when I was asleep in the front room

-I’ve read loads of my book

-God loves me

I must try and hang on to those I guess. At least I’m not hiding in a corner I suppose, just my house.