Been To The Doctor

I gave in and decided to go again. My panic has been bad, as has my depression, and I’m still biting inside my mouth and scratching my hands until they bleed, so I made the decision to get myself sorted out. Even though I saw a locum doctor, she was more helpful than the others. I am now changing my medication, yay, in the hope that will help. She has also recommended a few websites and said I should hear from the psychiatrist soon.

Spending the afternoon working, reading up on women in the inter-war period for an essay due in a couple of weeks time. It is only 2000 words, not enough!! So far I’ve found one great article for it, getting some lovely quotes from it. I love research

I was bad and went to the library this morning, which I was waiting for my prescription. I was weak and got out 2 books. It has to be said though, their history section is rubbish. I was a bit disappointed. Means I may have to go across to uni later for some books, which is annoying.

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Sad Katie

But only because I’ve decided to put down my book because it was very heavy in witchcraft and the occult. Never mind, plenty of other books to read.

I cannot believe how cold it is! It is only October – granted the end of it, but still! I am sat in my lounge, with the sun shining on me, in 4 tops! I am glad the sun is shining though.

So another morning of studying and then an afternoon of making suppers. In regards of university, I’m really enjoying it. There is an awful lot of work, I seem to already have pages of notes for every week, but I don’t mind reading and it is very interesting.

In terms of work, so far so good! I am enjoying the job and seem to have settled into it fine. Today they are having sausage rolls and beans or sandwiches…except I don’t think there is any white bread :-S That could be a problem. Pudding will be tinned fruit I think, so not too hard. It is all good. The people are really nice and it is 3 hours to prepare the food and an hour to clear up. The other day I managed it quickly so was able to stand reading my book!

I am still panicking, although none so far today. I had one on the bus yesterday so didn’t make it to the museum I needed to be OK to go to work though. I even managed small group the other evening, even if it was just a social. I haven’t cried for a few days but I have scratched my hand – although I didn’t yesterday when I was panicking, which is a good sign. Things seem to be slowly improving It is all good.

Depression

“Explaining anxiety and depression to someone who hasn’t experienced it is like trying to explain childbirth pains to a man”

What a great statement I heard on the TV this morning. And it does sum up the situation well. It is hard to understand anxiety and depression if one has not suffered with it. Which is why it is hard to explain that I have woken up feeling depressed and low. I do want to cry and go hide in bed. Instead I’ve had breakfast, had a shower and am now ranting on here in an attempt to avoid giving in. I don’t know why I feel like this but I’m not prepared to give in yet. I’m going to try reading my novel and then some university reading, even though I’m not in next week. There is no reason to feel like this I know, especially having had some great days this past week, but I do feel quite pants. Must just try and stay focused, keep fighting, keep praying, keep trusting God will make it OK.

A New Week

Just sat watching Strictly Come Dancing, I love it!! Although the boy’s group dance was a bit rubbish.

It has been a good weekend. Went up to Gloucester to see Graham and Jo, and had a lovely time. We went round the Cathedral and to the Docks, it was warm and fun. My brother is so cool It was lovely seeing their new home and spending time with them. The drive was boring though! Both Chris and I had a great time.

My panic attacks haven’t been too bad this week. It has been really helpful having something productive to do. I’ve had a lot of university work to keep me occupied and it has really helped I think. I’ve had a few but not nearly as bad as they have been.

A load of books have arrived this week, yay! About 8 have arrived! So much reading to do It will definitely keep me busy when I’m not studying! Check out my really long TBR list on http://katemarsh.wordpress.com

I’m still not sure what I’m going to do about work because the doctor still wants me off sick and I have such a bad medical record that I think people will be reluctant to employ me. Will need to do a lot of praying. Suzy and Becky prayed for me at church earlier, now I’m putting it in God’s hands and trusting him with the whole situation.

So far all this week has in store for me in university tomorrow. I’m sure that I’ll have a lot of studying to do though. It is all good.

It is really nice to feel good and positive and happy, makes a nice change! Here is a-hoping it lasts!