Today has been an odd day. I’ve been feeling panicky all day *rolls eyes* but I think that could have been for many reasons:
1) Involved in a minor car crash – not really any damage done and no one was hurt but it shook us up a little bit and made my sister-in-law anxious as it was my brother driving. The problem is, when someone around me gets anxious, so do I.
2) Sat in Starbucks, but it was getting crowded, and I can’t do crowds
3) Had a meeting with my line manager about work. I explained why being on the shop floor is bad for me and how it would help being off for a few months. She is going to look into it but she doesn’t seem hopeful really. That means if they can’t do anything for me I will have to start looking for a new job, and maybe have to resign before I get a new job.
4) Went to the Leader’s Conference at the Brighton Centre, but again there were crowds of people and I couldn’t cope so Chris had to take me home early
5) Conversation with Dad where he wasn’t happy about the car crash, the fact Chris bought me home early when he was supposed to be working (he is allowed to look me, his boss said so!) and the fact in his opinion I am not dealing with the panic attacks well and it is making me unattractive to Chris. I said this to Chris but as he is busy working he can’t talk to me so much so I’m starting to worry lots and get paranoid 
I know Dad means well but it has kind of upset me.
6) My friend has been making slightly mean comments about me always cancelling on her etc. which has hurt as I went to London with her the other week, even though trains and crowds and stuff are a huge problem for me. I really don’t want to have upset her but it seems I have. So I feel bad about that.
So all in all, this hasn’t been a top day. I just want to get better, but I know it takes time….
