Well I have a list of good things that has happened:
1) My term papers have been sent off. Just need to write my dissertation, which is due in in September
2) I go back to work on Monday, after 5 weeks off. And will be there until September
3) Chris proposed!!! We’re getting married!!! I can’t believe it! This is how it happened:
We went out for breakfast this morning, then for a walk along the beach by Shoreham Harbour and he stopped and asked me if I wanted a present, I said yes, he pulled out the ring and asked me to marry him, to which I said yes! We’re looking to marry in September!

All of this has made me soooo excited!

Just sat watching Strictly Come Dancing, I love it!! Although the boy’s group dance was a bit rubbish.

It has been a good weekend. Went up to Gloucester to see Graham and Jo, and had a lovely time. We went round the Cathedral and to the Docks, it was warm and fun. My brother is so cool It was lovely seeing their new home and spending time with them. The drive was boring though! Both Chris and I had a great time.

My panic attacks haven’t been too bad this week. It has been really helpful having something productive to do. I’ve had a lot of university work to keep me occupied and it has really helped I think. I’ve had a few but not nearly as bad as they have been.

A load of books have arrived this week, yay! About 8 have arrived! So much reading to do It will definitely keep me busy when I’m not studying! Check out my really long TBR list on http://katemarsh.wordpress.com

I’m still not sure what I’m going to do about work because the doctor still wants me off sick and I have such a bad medical record that I think people will be reluctant to employ me. Will need to do a lot of praying. Suzy and Becky prayed for me at church earlier, now I’m putting it in God’s hands and trusting him with the whole situation.

So far all this week has in store for me in university tomorrow. I’m sure that I’ll have a lot of studying to do though. It is all good.

It is really nice to feel good and positive and happy, makes a nice change! Here is a-hoping it lasts!

I went back to work today and it wasn’t too bad I was panicky at the beginning but then I slipped into the routine and it was like I’d never left. I even remembered my till number. I’m really pleased, this is such a huge step for me

Ya no what, all I seem to do on here is complain, so I need to stop doing that. Yes, I am ill, but my life isn’t that bad. It is too easy to complain and moan, and that is a dangerous thing, it can consume life and make me withdrawn and unpleasant to be around. James 3:5-8 says:

So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things.

How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! 6And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. 7For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, 8but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil,full of deadly poison.

I think those words are so true, we must watch what we say and how we let words consume us. So I’m going to try to be more positive. Like I’ve said before, life is not that bad. I have a wonderful family who support me, a gorgeous boyfriend who loves me and wants to look after me and great friends, whether online or off, who are concerned about me and pray for me. Although I am unsure of what the near future holds, I got my 2:1 so am going to do my Master’s and the occupational health process is going, so what will happen about work will soon be sorted I’m sure. I even managed 10 minutes in the church service yesterday, not downstairs watching the video link, which is a huge step for me.

I have had a panic attack today, but Chris was there to look after me and I got through it. It isn’t nice, and I want to get better, but a defeatist attitude, like the one I had just the other day will not help me. I feel better today that I have done in a while, despite panicking. Things are going to get better, I will make a full recovery.

The sun is shining, yipee!

Good news, I managed to get up to High Wycombe for a wedding yesterday – yes we did get stuck on the M25, the nation’s favourite carpark, in that heat, and I managed to stay in the ceremony and for refreshments even though I was panicking. I also coped around Tesco and M&S, although it was about 8.30 by then, so I am making a slow improvement

In answer to your question Michelle, yeah I do use the CBT method with my counsellor, it seems to be helping. I’m reading up about it a lot too and seeking healing from God.

Today I think we are going out for a Sunday lunch and a stroll along the river, although only if it isn’t too hot, I’ll burn otherwise. We have church this evening too, where I will just sit downstairs and watch the video link.

I just played my flute, for the first time in ages, and loved it! Once I got it in tune it was beautiful. I need to play it more to help myself breathe more deeply – we think one of the reasons I have a constant headache is because my breathing has become very shallow from having a lot of panic attacks, so we are thinking if I play my flute loads I will sort out the problem. I really enjoyed playing it though

Well I have woken up in a brighter mood today, thank you Lord for all you do in my life, the fact I feel better than I have in a while and the fact the sun is shining. You are awesome God, I love you.

Here is to a good day….!