Still Off Sick

I went back to the doctor today and have been signed off for another two weeks. My parents are going to be cross. They kept telling me I had to refuse a sick note. Not sure how to break it to them. I know they mean well but they don’t understand. Oh well, I guess it doesn’t matter that they don’t like it, I’m still off. I will do some praying before I speak to them I think. I’ve had my medication changed and increased as well, yipee Means I’ll be feeling rough for a few days but I’ll manage. I’m so grateful to Chris though for coming with me earlier, had to wait over half an hour, would have really panicked without company.

Watched an amazing preach today, Mark Driscoll’s Marriage and Women. The Marriage and Men one is really good too. I really think people should watch them both. They are really useful and practical. Controversial yes, but Biblically correct and well worth paying attention too. I would love to visit Mars Hill one day. Church was amazing yesterday too. Phil preached, there were 16 baptisms, and 20 people became Christians. God is so incredible

I’ve been really blessed in that I’ve been spending a lot of time with Naomi. She is fast becoming one of my closest friend. I’m spending so much time with her, she is really fun and easy to be around, and a good friend. We’re going to another friend’s house for dinner tonight which will be great, and tomorrow we’re off out with a different friend and on Wednesday and Thursday we’re going to the cinema and bowling respectfully. It will be great.

Had a lovely date with Chris yesterday I love him so much and love spending time with him. We went to a restaurant just along the coast, on the cliffs and it was lovely. The sun was shining and the sea looked beautiful.

Must get back to essay writing. My two term papers are due in on 20th April (day I go back to work). I’ve started writing one of them, am 800 words in. Only 4200 to go! Eek! Nah it will be OK, I just need to keep my concentration up.

Off Sick

First sick day in ages, but I woke up with a horrid migraine, tried to sleep it off but it just got worse, and tablets weren’t helping so I had to call in sick. My parents will not be happy. I sometimes think they think I like being off sick, and I don’t. I do actually enjoy my job, it is just I seem to be prone to illness. Chris came to get me and I’m currently feeling a bit sorry for myself at his.

Had a lovely weekend though. I met up with Katie on Saturday We went to some farm and had lunch. I’ve forgotten how much I love spending time with her. I plan to make several trips up to Leeds to see her! Did hear about one friend who is unhappy with me because I’m often to busy to meet up when she is free, but you can’t please everyone, and if she wants to sulk, let her. I just think it is a bit rude that we were suppose to be close friends and she didn’t tell me that she is moving away too.

University starts up again this week. I’ve just edited some of my work so hopefully Dad will be able to read them tonight. They aren’t due in until next week but I would like to hand them in when I go in Wednesday.

I have the doctor’s on Friday morning. As my panic hasn’t been too bad recently I’m hoping that they will reduce my tablets. God has been so good to me, healing me, now I just hope I can get off the medication. That would be such a huge step as I’ve been on anti-depressants for over a year now. I will continue to pray for healing and the end of my medication.

Another Cold Day

My goodness when will we get some warm weather? I cannot be coping with this cold! I’m fair too delicate!

Yesterday was a bad day for me. There is someone at work who makes me feel inferior and not very good at my job, and although I don’t think she means too, she upsets me. Well she was on the ball yesterday. However, I think I was over-sensitive because I had had my first panic attack in weeks and done a lot of crying. I was in a fair old bad mood by the time the evening came. And poor old Chris bore the brunt of it – sorry Chrisy. Yet, we did go out to small group where we had a meal and fellowship and well, God is good, He puts friends around us and places us in happy situations and digs us out of the holes we have fallen in. It was a lovely night.

Today has been much better – although I fell asleep again during the day. This is not good. I’m just tired all the time. But today has been my day off and I’ve spent it doing a few jobs for Mum and reading and learning about God. Good way to spend a day I think I feel so peaceful today – thank you Jesus. Here is praying that I will feel this good tomorrow when I’m working!

Date-night tonight! Dunno what we are doing, but I’m looking forward to spending time with Chris I’m so lucky to be with him, I love him a lot. I can’t wait to hang out with him.

Sad news – Katie is going to Leeds She will be even further away, I already miss her and she only lives the other end of the county. What am I going to do with you so far away? I’m so pleased you got the training job though! I hope you have an awesome time. I love you girl, you are one of my best friends. Thanks for everything you do for me *hugs* Can’t wait to see you Saturday

I Feel Bad

My head is throbbing, the room is spinning and I feel so sick. I’ve had two panic attacks and I’ve bitten my mouth so much it bled for ages and now hurts. I’m suppose to be at the museum, but feel too bad to go. I’ve tried reading, napping and working, and so far I’m just too restless for anything.

However, I am trying to be productive, and have put on a wash load and have given my essay a lot of thought – got a few great things to say! At least I hope they are good, I’m still doubting my ability to do this MA.

I wish Chris was here I want a hug.

And in other news…! Finding Nicki tonight, think I’ll do a sausage hotpot, means I need to pop to Tesco on my way to Chris’, although I don’t think I’ll be driving any time soon, need the light-headedness to pass. I might bake a cake too, haven’t baked in ages.

Looks like I’ve been offered a permanent job at Melrose, woo! I love it there. Must ask Liz about doing the Food Hygiene thing though, then I can bake there too! (And of course get a page rise!)

Right, need to check ingredients and do some essay writing. And stop missing Chris

Bored

It is Saturday evening and I am bored. This is the worst state for me to be in because I get restless and start thinking and end up feeling crap, just like I do now. Must find something to do. Haven’t been well since I started the new tablets. Hopefully I will settle down on them soon but I feel sick, light-headed and have had an upset stomach. And of course, panic attacks on top of that. I haven’t managed anything this week, not uni, not the museum and not work. It sucks, and it makes me feel worse thinking about it. Kinda feel like a loser that I can’t even manage these things.

I’m a bit disappointed in my friend too. I told her my situation, was really honest about how I feel and what I’ve done to myself, and I got a “oh babe” and that was it. Nothing else. I only opened up because I thought she would be supportive, but nope. Her attention is more on her boyfriend than anything else. Makes me feel a bit worthless. Never mind hey.

Everything just seems a bit pants right now.

Trains

Well has been a mixed morning already. I went to the doctor and she signed me off again…oh dear. I’m now off work again for 2 weeks. I don’t think my parents will be happy as Mum said last night “don’t you dear get signed off”…oops.

On the bright side, I managed the train!! I have been avoiding it for months out of fear I’ll panic on it, but today I got on the train by myself and was fine! Yay!

Tonight I have some friends coming over for dinner. I’m making lasagne. It should be a lovely evening.

29th July 2008

My good mood didn’t last. I woke up feeling pants, and it has slowly got worse as the day has gone on. Even trivial things are setting me off. My hair won’t straighten properly and still looks a bit greasy even though I washed it this morning, so that has annoyed me. I called work. I have a new line manager, nice of them to tell me. No one knows what Occupational Health are doing or when I am due back – although it doesn’t help that managers have changed. They also gave my holiday time away, even though I booked it off. They better not call when I’m away because it is their problem/mistake not mine. I did everything right. And I called my good friend Jon. He is a bit depressed because he hasn’t finished uni, his mum has breast cancer and he is ill. Along with that, he told me that when I tried to patch things up with Kel – who hates me for something I didn’t do, she thinks I slept with her ex-boyfriend, I didn’t. He stayed in my flat along with my friend Gill so we were never alone – anyway, she has moaned and bitched about it. I know that is her problem but it has bugged me that I tried to make amends for something I didn’t even do, and that is the response I get.

I want to hide and cry. Grr…