Ouch!

Oh my word, I am in pain! My wisdom teeth are coming through, and it really hurts! Aw well, will just take some pain killers. Although mixed with period pain and my skin problem, it is no wonder my panic has been bad the past couple of weeks.

However, anxiety being so high means I have missed quite a bit of university, which is never good. One of my tutors wants to see me about it but I can’t make the time he suggested and he hasn’t got back to me *shrugs* so I dunno.

Spent yesterday in Fleet with Chris’ family. There was a mini party for his sister Wendy as it is her birthday this week. It was good to see them all. His parent’s flat is so nice! I’d happily live there!

Well I have decided what I want to write my dissertation on: How Brighton is portrayed in literature. Woo, more reading! Man I have an addiction….! Never mind, I don’t think it is a bad thing!

Ow, ow, ow, my mouth really hurts I’m going to go feel sorry for myself whilst reading an article for Wednesday’s seminar. Hehe if I get a lot done this morning, I might be able to just relax with Chris this evening and not do any work! Hopefully I’ll get some done at work this afternoon, I’ll just have to work quickly!

Cold

OK, I am freezing. I cannot believe just how cold it is! Although it has been snowing, so maybe I shouldn’t be surprised. I’m sat in the study trying to work – I chose this room as it has the least amount of distractions, and it is probably the coldest room in the house. Mind you, does mean I won’t fall asleep.

Was my birthday on Saturday – turned 22! Crazy. I do not feel that old! Chris’ family came across and we went to Brighton Marina and had a nice lunch. Didn’t do anything with my family. None of my brothers came home and Dad was at work. In fact, I am cross with my brothers – not one of them has sent me a card or a present. Grr. Makes me angry as they would go mad if they didn’t receive a present or if their wives didn’t.

I no longer work Wednesdays! Yay! That is a relief, means I won’t have the stress of having to get from university to work. I haven’t done much uni work this week – had no concentration to think of. Although it hasn’t helped that I couldn’t get the books I needed out of the library. Aw well, I will be in early tomorrow so can do some reading then. At the minute I will have to make do with Google! Am researching about Booker T. Washington and black segregation in America at the moment

Got work later – not motivated at all! Probably because I think it is egg sandwiches tonight – yuck! The poor residents. Well if they want it :-S I don’t understand why they would but hey ho! Need Chris to let me know how I am getting home from work later too – although trains are running many are cancelled and most are delayed. Just need him to text/email me. I am hoping he will come and get me!

Oh, and I hate the bank. Nearly crying but never mind.

In the library

OK I’m a wee bit bored. I’m trying to brain storm for my research project. I am thinking about looking at whether the leisure industry was affected by the depression in the 1930s so I have just been browsing the net for any answers! It is so quiet in here though I feel like I could fall asleep. The other problem is it is leaving me with just my thoughts and I’m very tired which is making me feel a bit down. I just need to try and stay focused and everything will be OK. And if that doesn’t work, give up and head to a cafe for a cuppa and to read my book! On the bright side, I am surrounded by books hehe and my lecturer says my proposal is very good and stands a good chance. I need a catching title for it though. At the minute I’m thinking “Brighton, Leisure and the 1930s“…hmm….

9th July 2008

Today has been an odd day. I’ve been feeling panicky all day *rolls eyes* but I think that could have been for many reasons:

1) Involved in a minor car crash – not really any damage done and no one was hurt but it shook us up a little bit and made my sister-in-law anxious as it was my brother driving. The problem is, when someone around me gets anxious, so do I.

2) Sat in Starbucks, but it was getting crowded, and I can’t do crowds

3) Had a meeting with my line manager about work. I explained why being on the shop floor is bad for me and how it would help being off for a few months. She is going to look into it but she doesn’t seem hopeful really. That means if they can’t do anything for me I will have to start looking for a new job, and maybe have to resign before I get a new job.

4) Went to the Leader’s Conference at the Brighton Centre, but again there were crowds of people and I couldn’t cope so Chris had to take me home early

5) Conversation with Dad where he wasn’t happy about the car crash, the fact Chris bought me home early when he was supposed to be working (he is allowed to look me, his boss said so!) and the fact in his opinion I am not dealing with the panic attacks well and it is making me unattractive to Chris. I said this to Chris but as he is busy working he can’t talk to me so much so I’m starting to worry lots and get paranoid I know Dad means well but it has kind of upset me.

6) My friend has been making slightly mean comments about me always cancelling on her etc. which has hurt as I went to London with her the other week, even though trains and crowds and stuff are a huge problem for me. I really don’t want to have upset her but it seems I have. So I feel bad about that.

So all in all, this hasn’t been a top day. I just want to get better, but I know it takes time….