I Feel Bad

My head is throbbing, the room is spinning and I feel so sick. I’ve had two panic attacks and I’ve bitten my mouth so much it bled for ages and now hurts. I’m suppose to be at the museum, but feel too bad to go. I’ve tried reading, napping and working, and so far I’m just too restless for anything.

However, I am trying to be productive, and have put on a wash load and have given my essay a lot of thought – got a few great things to say! At least I hope they are good, I’m still doubting my ability to do this MA.

I wish Chris was here I want a hug.

And in other news…! Finding Nicki tonight, think I’ll do a sausage hotpot, means I need to pop to Tesco on my way to Chris’, although I don’t think I’ll be driving any time soon, need the light-headedness to pass. I might bake a cake too, haven’t baked in ages.

Looks like I’ve been offered a permanent job at Melrose, woo! I love it there. Must ask Liz about doing the Food Hygiene thing though, then I can bake there too! (And of course get a page rise!)

Right, need to check ingredients and do some essay writing. And stop missing Chris

Bored

It is Saturday evening and I am bored. This is the worst state for me to be in because I get restless and start thinking and end up feeling crap, just like I do now. Must find something to do. Haven’t been well since I started the new tablets. Hopefully I will settle down on them soon but I feel sick, light-headed and have had an upset stomach. And of course, panic attacks on top of that. I haven’t managed anything this week, not uni, not the museum and not work. It sucks, and it makes me feel worse thinking about it. Kinda feel like a loser that I can’t even manage these things.

I’m a bit disappointed in my friend too. I told her my situation, was really honest about how I feel and what I’ve done to myself, and I got a “oh babe” and that was it. Nothing else. I only opened up because I thought she would be supportive, but nope. Her attention is more on her boyfriend than anything else. Makes me feel a bit worthless. Never mind hey.

Everything just seems a bit pants right now.

Been To The Doctor

I gave in and decided to go again. My panic has been bad, as has my depression, and I’m still biting inside my mouth and scratching my hands until they bleed, so I made the decision to get myself sorted out. Even though I saw a locum doctor, she was more helpful than the others. I am now changing my medication, yay, in the hope that will help. She has also recommended a few websites and said I should hear from the psychiatrist soon.

Spending the afternoon working, reading up on women in the inter-war period for an essay due in a couple of weeks time. It is only 2000 words, not enough!! So far I’ve found one great article for it, getting some lovely quotes from it. I love research

I was bad and went to the library this morning, which I was waiting for my prescription. I was weak and got out 2 books. It has to be said though, their history section is rubbish. I was a bit disappointed. Means I may have to go across to uni later for some books, which is annoying.

Technorati Tags: doctor, university, books

Cold

It is so unbelievably cold! Well I suppose it is November now – where has this year gone?!

I didn’t have a particularly productive day yesterday – well actually I don’t feel I’ve had a particularly productive week. I need to get into a routine of work, study and volunteering – haven’t quite mastered it yet. It does mean I’m now staying in this morning to study instead of going out to a girl’s breakfast, which sucks but I need to work.

Well, rubbish day for sport yesterday. Portsmouth lose 2-1 at home to Wigan, and England lose the Stanford 20-20 cricket match – offer them $20 million and they lose the ability to play – crazy. It was a boring match, England were just rubbish. I didn’t even bother watching the Stanford Superstars bat.

Had to stop reading another book because it had the occult in it ‘Tis a sad day, esp as I was enjoying that book. But, I plan to stick to this decision not to read those sort of books so *shrugs* never mind.

Right…back to unemployment between the wars….